I mostly listen to Hip Hop music – when i say hip hop, i’m talking about rap and r’n’b – because of the rhythm. I don’t understand all of the lyrics but the sample can just entertain me. Lyrics could be about politic but if the beat is good, i will love that song. Not for the lyrics but the beat.
I mostly listen music by period. I can listen to only one song for weeks. The same song again and again and again. Without being bored by it. I just can be stuck to one song for a very ong time. Usually, when it’s happening it’s because – again – of the rhythm, the mood that set up the song and the meaning of the lyrics. I have a lot of songs that represent different time of my life. Mostly of them might be sad but i always found a way to step up, move on and pass it. So, i have more than three important songs – I think – in my life. But i’m gonna pick up three of them randomly and trying to put you in my mood at the time i was listenning to it.
About Today – The National
About Today by The National… Actually, i discovered this song not long ago thanks to a friend who recommend me a movie in which it was played perfectly – the movie was Warriors – First, when i saw the scene with the song in the background, i just cried. Well almost cried, tears where on my eyes – is that english? – So when the credits came out, i just looked for that particular song. I checked it on youtube then i legaly donwload it. For the next few days, ok not days but months – at least two i think – i was just listening to that song. All day long. Even at night – because i listen to music when i sleep, without that i can’t fall into Morphee’s arms. And oddly, the more i listen to the song, the more i was beat down. I questioned the meaning of life – which was not the first time but it’s getting more serious every time – the reason of me living the way i live. I asked myself a lot of questions without getting any good answers. Like why am i even aliev? What am i supposed to do with this life that was given to me? Because, to be frank, i have this kind of ‘easy’ life and when i look around me – when i say around, i mean in the world, not just my neighborhood – i see people whom are in such a miserebale place – and by miserable, i mean their environment – but are so amazing, amazingier – if it’s a word. If it’s not, well, it’s gonna be a new one – than me. So why i, the person that has no special talent and no purpose, have a more confortable life than someone who wanna do big things and who dreams big? Why do i get that chance? I still don’t know the answer to that question. So when i listen closely to the lyrics of About Today, i felt like… Yeah, that close to what i feel. I didn’t say, but on top of those unanswered questions, i felt like my dream, my own dream was slipping away from me. Or not, it’s not even that: i was the one who slipped away. I slipped away from my own dream. Do you realize how low is that? How low i could feel? – I don’t know if you realize, but it was pretty bad – At some point, i didn’t even care about my life anymore. I thought that i died right in the minutes, someone else would’ve take my place and live my life – but i realize later that it wasn’t possible, or it could be but there were some stuff to take care of before and i wasn’t in the mood to think smartly – So as i listen to the song, i was imagining my dream talking to me with the lyrics. When it says : ‘How close am i to losing you?’ that’s my dream asking me how close he was to losing me – and yes, i imagine my dream as a human being male… Leave me be – I felt like everytime the song repeats, i get this ‘chance’ to have a conversation with my dream – which is more like my conscience that put me in a the right way – and to refocus on what i should really do. But it took time, i’m not gonna lie. It’s like the more ‘he’ asks about me drifting away, the more i try to get back on my feet and putting myself in a positive… – I don’t have the word… I lost it… – place!! – There we go – After a while, around… Maybe a month and a half of depression, i climbed back that huge mountain that is life, did small little things that i like – because i was becoming a huge beached cachalot – trying to keep myself busy and not to think to much about me being gone. Day after day, i put myself together and i set up a goal for this song that could help me get rid of those feelings that pushed me down. Get free of it: i decided to draw my version of the song. When i looked for it, at the beginning, on youtube, i didn’t find any clip – there’s still not – so i decided to create a clip with my own tools. The storyline was in my mind since the beginning, all i needed to do was to put it on paper. And that’s what i did. I draw a small story, put all my feelings in it and put it on my wall – literally – Since the day i finished it, i still think about death and all the questions about the meaning of life but in a more lighter way. Like it’s something that is going to happen, soon or later, and i have to achieve what really matter to me in the mean time. In the end, that song really helped me think differently than before. Or maybe it’s just me growing up and it has nothing to do with the song… No! Let’s say it was the song, because i really like it. Today, i still can listen About Today, with a point of nostalgia and a lot of love, amusement – i don’t know which one, really… Pleasure!! – And a lots of pleasure.
May i never find – Chris Brown
Chris Brown. I know, i know. Y’all are going to tell me that he’s a violent guy, not an example for the young generation, etc. I agree. What happened between him and Rihanna – Rihanna and him? – is really horrible, not something to laugh at and it’s an important matter, problem, subject. Ok. But – yes, there is a but – i don’t really care about that. I feel sorry for Rihanna, of course – i’m not a horrible person – but when i talk about Chris Brown, i’m talking about his music. Not his personal life. With that being said, let’s get back to our prompt.
So, i put one song : ‘May i never find’, but it’s more about the album in itself. His very first one. It calms me down. Well, used to. Because, now, i don’t really get upset about much things. So everytime someone pisses me off, i don’t scream or punsh everything – or everyone – around me. I just close myself to the world, shut myself up and put music in my hears. Everytime, it’s gonna be Chris Brown’s first album. I don’t know why, but the old school – i consider it like old school. Today’s hip hop beats are mixed with electro, it’s kind of disgusting… Well most of what i hear on the radio – beat, sound and the voice that goes with it just calms my nerves, relaxes my heartbeat and free my mind of all the bullcrap i am in. I listen to that album over and over again until i’m calm enough to talk and fix everything up with that person that put me in the dark side. If i’m not calm, i won’t talk to anyone. It’s a principle. Why? I saw way too many movies where the characters say things they shouldn’t say or are going to regret to the people they are upset with. So, to avoid that, because i can say horrible things if i ever speak my mind, i just prefer to shut up, let the storm pass and then try to fix the problem. But when i say i’m calm enough to talk, it doesn’t mean that i’m not upset anymore. It’s just that i took a step back, thought everything through and, depending on the person’s reaction, kick that person out of my life or not. Or just literally kick that person – it happened.
Désolé – Sexion D’Assaut
It’s a french rap music. From a french group – obviously – who was discored by the public with that song. Well, there was another song before this one, but this is better than the first single. This made me like them. The lyrics are about being sorry to not being amazing, about their hard past life. But i don’t really like this song for the lyrics. Well, i do but it reminds me of my last year of high school, that’s the reason why i particularly like it.
My senior year of high school. I just moved in a new town, i knew nobody there. New rules, new way of speaking, new accent, new people, higher level. At the beginning of that year – well, like every beginning of any year since then – i didn’t really talk to anyone. Because i didn’t want to. I don’t have anything to say, that’s the main reason, as matter as a fact. It’s just that. So, when they saw me, alone, minding my own business, some people came to me. They were nice. Thanks to them, i was introduced to the entire class i was in. And even the entire senior students. So the year gos by, i made friends, everything went fine and the song came out. Most of us were crazy about it. We all knew the chorus and the last word of every sentence. Everytime – i say a lot ‘everytime’, it’s weird – someone is saying sorry, someone else starts to sing the chorus and we finish it together. It was funny. There’s one day, i was listen to the song on the radio and i just wrote the lyrics on my philosophy paper. I kept writing my dissertation – i don’t remember the subject – finished it and went to sleep. As i was lying on my bed, i was thinking : Maybe i should erase what i wrote… Then i fell asleep. The next morning, i completly forgot about it. I gave my paper to the teacher and life went on. It was on the inside, so i couldn’t see it and erase it quickly. Like, maybe, two weeks or three weeks later, she gave us back our dissertation with our grades – i don’t remember either the grade i had, it must have been around 10-12/20. I wasn’t that brillant in that class – I looked at my paper, opened it to see the comments she made then i saw it : there was the chorus written with a pencil and below, there was her hand writing in red saying something lika this :
If you have any problems in your mind or at home, i just want to let you know that i’m here in school hours, if you ever feel like talking to anyone. Even days where we don’t usually have class together.
It made me laugh. Obviously, she didn’t know the song. I showed it to my friends, they laughed too. Then i thought to myself : Well, that’s a good teacher. It’s good to know. She’s nice. Later, three years later, a friend of mine, the only one i kept in touch with since the end of high school, told that story to her friends. I don’t know about their reactions, she told me they laughed. It was epic. I need to find that paper.
Oh, the chorus says – roughly :
‘And i had to live by the streets
Step by step, i’m telling myself it can’t be true
Dad, Mom, i’m sorry
I feel like isolating myself.’
Each song has a meaning for me. It represents a certain moment of my life, a memory that i can’t and i won’t forget. It brings me back in time when i need it.