Soliloquy

IRL

– Hey! What’s up with you?

– I don’t know, man. I feel so low right now.

– …

– Ok, here’s the thing : i didn’t go to school the last three weeks. The reason why is because… I’m not into it. I have no motivation for what i am doing right now. And also, i’m lazy. Or maybe my laziness is the reason of my lack of motivation. But in that case, why is it that sometimes i do the work in time? Why am i staying up at night to finish a paper? If i was lazy, i wouldn’t do that. I just would give nothing. So it can’t be laziness. Or it’s the very definition of laziness: doing something at the last minute without carrying about the outcome. I don’t know.

– Euhm…

– And yet, i say i’m not motivated but i do my homework on time. That’s absolutely nonsense… Isn’t it?

– Mmh?… Yeah, nonsense, totally.

– Then why am i keeping skipping school like this? It may not be the most interesting job on Earth but it’s not that all bad. I mean, i enjoyed all internships i made, i found them interesting. Then what is it? On my previous years of college, i studied really hard. Like really seriously. I remember learning every words of each lessons i had. I set goals and kept focus until i reached them. But now, i set goals and… just go to sleep or do something completely useless to achieve them… Although, i failed. Maybe that’s it. I lost sight of my biggest goal because i tried my best on something i really wanted and yet, failed… Miserably. I don’t know what to do anymore… Maybe i should just do things instead of thinking on doing them… Yeah, maybe, i should. But i don’t want to. I really have no will to do that. Even just to read anything that concerns any of my classes. Even if half of my teachers surprisingly pull off the impossible: motivating me. Even only for two or four hours each Friday. Then, what is wrong with me? Mmh? I’m asking you : what is wrong with me?

– … What is wrong with you is that your glass is empty! Here’s something to cheer you up!

He watched his glass getting filled of an unknown mixture then drank all of it in the next second. Then blacked out.

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