11:08. 20th Thursday, 2017. The sun has finally crossed the horizon to light the other side of the Earth. The asian part of humanity. Asia. That reminds me of last september when i went to Tokyo. Weirdest, in a good way, experience of my life so far. Lonelyness at its finest. No knowledge of the language. Barely scratched the surface of the culture. No bearing none what so ever, and above all, no guide to show me around. Internet was a great help. Although, i got lost a couple of times. I was free, kind of.
Back to my appartment. My thoughts vanished. I stared blanckly at the table settled in front of me. The camera caught my attention. Photography. I want to keep on trying to catch fragments of the world as i see it. Well, i’m not there yet. Again, need to pratice. Then the big TV at the end of the room gets my focus, along with the technology surrounding it. On the right, there’s a small jewelry box in shape of my motherland. My mother’s land. Madagascar. Been there as well, last year. Saw the differences what i recall and what it became. Came across insensitive humans and the other half of my DNA. A different kind of loneliness. Oppression and frustation were predominant at that time. Although, emptiness was king. I felt nothing. I moved like a ghost of the child version of myself. Administration pissed me off. Family members pissed me off. They all acted like nothing was happening. Smiles, laughters and social conversations felt inappropriate. Yet, i couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t control them. Insensitive.
I tear up more easily than before. It’s annoying. The pain is annoying. As i lean my head back, my eyes land on comics and illustrations displayed on the wall. I look around at everything i’ve drawn so far. The meaning behind each of them gradually became deeper. Darker. My only catharsis. I need those ideas out of my head. I’m tired of being… incomplete. My chest hurts. I can’t stand this feeling. Tears again. Fuck you, Death.
The Messenger | This is a long one | If you have a chance to say one last thing to someone you lost: what would you say?
The lasts scenes were something i personnally lived. Seeing an empty appartment – once again – but this time, the goodbye was slightly different. More like a ‘real farewell’. The kind i didn’t expect to say or feel before i would be very old. Or never, actually. But it happened.
This will also be – hopefully – my lasts drawings about it. I’m moving forward. I can’t stay still forever.
‘Pfff….Pfhahahahahahahahahahaha!! You’re kidding, right? Right? Oh no, you’re serious?’ Simo stared at his friend, his face as serious as it could get. Ezekhiel stayed quiet for seconds, he tried to contain his laugther. ‘I don’t care if you don’t believe me.’ Simo said as he turned his back and left the room. Those last words resonated in Ezekhiel’s ears. He reacted as fast as he could and grabbed Simo’s arm before he disappeared. Time froze. Ezekhiel’s mind was transported to his eighth year of life. He was standing in the middle of a baseball field, surrounded by other kids his age. Bats were thrown on the ground, particules of sand flew in the air. Ezekhiel looked upset: he gesticulated violently towards the group that kept its smile. Despite the fact that kid Ezekhiel was screaming his lungs out, no sound resonated. Ezekhiel had a spam and felt something between his fingers. He turned his head and saw Simo looking at him straight in the eyes. A strange feeling spread in Ezekhiel’s body, when a wave of dioxygen disturbed the atmosphere, followed by another one. And another one. Until the frequencies aligned perfectly: ‘BACK OFF!’ Kid Simo shouted. All of the other kids shut up. They stepped backward as Simo walked in between Ezekhiel and them. ‘Pff, it’s not funny anymore.’ one of them said before leaving. ‘They said…my…my father’s dead…’ Kid Ezekhiel confessed, tears flowing on his chicks. ‘They’re…they’re lying! He’s… He just left. He said he’ll be back! He said he’ll be back!’ Sobs didn’t allow silence to settle in. ‘He said: he’ll come back.’ The calm gained the boy’s mind and body. A urge to scream grew in him, but more tears came out instead. Ezekhiel remembered that feeling: being at the edge of facing the hard truth of reality. ‘I know.’ Kid Simo’s voice pierced Kid Ezekhiel’s thoughts. Simo turned around: ‘. I believe you. He’s gonna come back.’
As he let go of his friend’s arm, Ezekhiel found himslef back in his room. He gazed around then put his eyes on Simo’s. They stood in silence for a couple of minutes. Simo looked astonished and yet excited. Ezekhiel understood then: ‘I believe you.’
To be continued
Saturday afternoon. The sun was high up, heating the population after weeks of raining days. Few clouds persisted on clothing the blue sky. Windows of buildings blinded pigeons and other birds that flew low. A constant flow of voice resonated in between walls. Streets were filled with old couples, parents with kids , teenagers and tourists. Cars broke the crowd in two some time to times. Amongst all of this crazyness of a sunny day, there were two young adults walking side by side. They laughed, talked and smiled to each other. A strong bound tied them together. Their complicity could be felt miles away. As they made their way in the crowd, they came across few couples, young couples showing their love to the entire world. They both felt a strange vibe starting to flow around them. They shared a look: ‘You’re not girlfriend material to me.’ he said, suddenly. The girl was surprised by the raw statement. It came out of nowhere. She paused then said: ‘Euhm, i’m gonna head home. I’m about to sleep standing.’ The guy looked confused as she turned her back and started to walk away.
- ‘Wait!’ He yelled to stop her. She turned around.’What are you doing? I thought you liked me.’
- ‘I do.’ she replied without any hesitation.
- ‘But…then…what are you doing?’
- ‘I just said: i feel tired. I need to sleep.’
- ‘But. Aren’t you supposed to chase me?’
- ‘Euhm, no. You just said i’m not a girlfriend material by your book, so i’m not gonna chase you. It’s a waste of time.’
- ‘And the mood got awkward. You know i don’t like awkawardness, so i prefer to leave.’ She turned her back to him again. He grabbed her by her arm to hold her. She glanced at her arm before putting her eyes on his.
- ‘Wait, i thought we were good.’
- ‘We are.’
- ‘But then, why do you leave?’
- ‘Listen, if you don’t like me, it’s ok. Life goes on, i will survive. We will still be good. I will see you as a friend and nothing else. So we’ll still hang out as friend, if that’s what you’re worried about. But for now, like i said, the mood got awkward and i feel tired, so i’m leaving you for my bed, alright? So, see you later, ok?’
- ‘And what about the gift?’
- ‘I’m pretty sure that whatever you will get her, she’ll like it.’
- ‘Wait! Stop trying to leave. I like you too.’ He boldly announced. A short silence went by.
- ‘What? Ok, you need to explain things to me, because i’m lost.’
- ‘I heard somewhere… I thought that if i said that, you will be more inclined to go after me…’
- ‘Oh!!!! Reverse psychology!’
- ‘Yeah, exactly!’ A huge smile lightened up his face.
- ‘Well, you thought wrong.’ He let go of a laugh. ‘But i’m still leaving.’
- ‘Wait, the gift: i still need help.’ She sighed. ‘You said you will never let me down.’ She looked away for a quick second then sighed again.
- ‘Fine. Why did i say that?’
As she said those words, they walked side by side again. A new mood was created around them. Another kind of awkwardness appeared. They glanced at each other: ‘Off to a great start.‘ she mumbled. ‘I know!’ He replied.